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| credit Amazon.com |
I want to take a second to talk to you all about a show that has touched my heart. By that of course I mean I have been forced to watch it over and over again by a tyrannical three year old. This show's name is Paw Patrol. If asked to give a brief synopsis I would say it's best described as a show about a town that was so irresponsible it placed an eight year old in charge of all it's emergency services, and paid for mutant dogs to staff it. Whoa! Cool your jets man, you're likely thinking. How dare I attack a kids show like that, after all it's not really supposed to make sense right? Well kinda (also didn't you see my post about Frozen?). See most of these shows manage to play around with the schizophrenic visions that are a child's imagination, but this show, this show just goes off the wall.
You see in this show an eight year old boy named Ryder leads a team of dogs eponymously named the Paw Patrol. Each dog has a job related to public safety in some way. Chase is the police/spy (more on that later) dog. Marshal is the fire/ems dog. Zuma (Who names a dog that? That's like what you name your favorite scooter) who is the water dog. Sky is the lone female full time dog, and she is the one that flies (even though she's now largely irrelevant. Keep reading you'll see). Ruble the construction dog. Rocky the recycling dog. Lastly there is the per diem dog Everest, she is only called on when they end up in the snow (and even then sometimes she isn't).
The first question I remember asking was where is the EMS dog? Well turns out they thought the show needed a recycling dog so they just made the fire dog also the EMS dog. Marshal by the way is the bumbling idiot of the group, but that's okay he always tries his hardest...sigh. So what does the recycling dog do you ask? Oh he repairs things of course. Wait you say, what about that rumble, or whatever, isn't he the construction dog? Yeah, but they had to fit the recycling dog in there somehow.
After watching it for the eight hundredth time it dawned on me that this show is possibly the most irresponsible town imaginable. Not only does it's mayor think that an eight year old is fit to run it's emergency services, but she also thinks anything, and I do mean anything, is a reason to call him for help. Holy abuse of power batman. Not to mention this teaches kids that anything is a reason to call 911. Ouchy I fell and need a bandaid, better "yelp for help" so marshal can bring me one. Seriously that's what he does when he's the EMS dog, hand out bandaids.
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| credit paw-patrol.wikia.com |
In a later episode named "air pups" all the dogs get jet packs. You might be able to see how this makes the whole show kind of stupid for one character, the only female that's eligible for benefits (what would those be anyway, milk bone insurance?). Yes I'm talking about Sky. See now that they can all fly, even the dog that's scared of heights, Marshal (I told you he was the bumbling idiot right?), it makes her ability to fly pointless. Yet there she is every episode talking about how she could fly up there, wherever there is. Then she yips twice because that's the only way any of them can get their equipment to work, and flies up to do some kind of malarkey.
Here's where I turn everything on its head, the fact that Ryder is in charge makes sense. It makes sense because every adult in the town is severely mental disabled. The mayor thinks anything is a reason to call emergency services like I said earlier, but is also so dumb that at one point she rows a boat in circles without noticing. The only other adult we see on a regular basis is the marine biologist that can't handle basic tasks like watching his own boat, or not getting stuck at sea. Finally there's the pet chicken that the mayor has named Chickolletta (yet more evidence that the mayor isn't all there). This bird is on a mission to screw things up. It routinely gets itself into dangerous, and stupid situations. At one point it finds it's way into a submarine with a cat, and starts messing with the controls causing it to dive with them in it. Mayor-calls-too-much calls the Paw Patrol to come save her pet. Then they all laugh about what they learned, even though I'm pretty sure the mayor, and the marine biologist from hell are both incapable of learning. Hooray for abuse of power.
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| can you say "government overreach?" |
Speaking of abuse of power, let's talk about Chase. Chase has two settings police, and spy. Let's just pause for a moment and think about that. That means that the writers thought hmm...what goes well with police? Oh I've got it spying! Good! I meant to explain the Patriot Act to my three year old anyway. Paw Patrol just made it convenient. Not to mention NSA-dog always seems to know what costume to be in before Ryder tells him what he needs...hmm I wonder how? No matter how he must be sharing that information with his buddies, because all the other dogs seem to have the same "clairvoyance."
The last thing I want to harp on is the over present marketing. Every other episode seems to introduce some new vehicle that was clearly made to be a toy. There's the Paw Patroller a large bus driven by a robot dog; who honestly could replace all of the paw patrol for a quarter of the cost. Then there is the Tower which you too can have for the low-low price of $50.00 ($49.99 really but come on). Not to mention the hundreds of costume changes the dogs go through. Then there is the cleverly named Air Patroller which is as you may have guessed an airborne Paw Patroller flown by the same robot dog. Where is our beloved leader getting all this money from? The mayor? Is that her one spot of competency? She can raise funds? Or is this a dystopian future where super PAC's run even town governments, and dog labor is cheaper than people labor? Either way I sure don't have the money for all the made in China, no-lead-paint-we-promise toys.
I can feel my sanity slowly slipping away with every episode. God help you if you're in my shoes too. Leave a comment if you are, so I can start putting a support group together.
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